Transform Yourself
I changed my hair for you. I started growing it out, and I quit dying it funky colors 👩🎤 because you didn't like it short and pink. I got a manicure topped off with gold gel nail polish💅 to be more feminine, to try and please you. I quit ordering ethnic food because you said …
My hair is short. I don’t shampoo it. I don’t always wear a bra. I usually keep my nails cut short. I like wearing black eyeliner. I will spend a lot of money on good shoes and jackets. I get Botox sometimes. I’ve thought about getting some form of plastic surgery but haven’t. I don’t …
I want to share something about myself you may or may not know: I am a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. And I have 2 sobriety dates. Why? February 1, 1999, is the day I came back to AA and I have been clean and sober since then. I have not recreationally used alcohol, marijuana, …
Even though I’m older now. Almost 46. I’m still beautiful- Even if I don’t get the same external validation I did in my youth. I’m still beautiful- Even as my skin suit wrinkles, sags, and folds. I’m still beautiful- And I get to learn that if I want to hear it, I get to tell …
For Valentine’s, I blocked him 🚫 And in doing so, I chose myself👩❤️👩 I blocked him- not out of spite or malice- but out of protection of my own heart💓 Because by continuing a toxic connection, I was in essence blocking myself. Every time I compromised, every time I allowed, made a concession, justified or …
I got pregnant on New Years Eve, 1998. I was drunk.I still remember cheering NINETEEN NINETY-NINE like a madwoman outside the bar as fireworks went off at midnight.My full bladder didn't like all the jumping and screaming, so I made the drunken decision to keep celebrating and empty my bladder at the same time.I brought …
Four days before Christmas 2020, my job of almost 13 years gave me shocking news: that if I did not move back to the US from overseas where I’d been working and living for 8 years, that I would no longer have a job I considered the proposal for about 10 seconds. Everything in me …
Continue reading "My Nightmare before Xmas that turned into a Miracle"
My heart hurts. 💔 It’s an agonizing feeling that is so familiar, yet still so uncomfortable. It comes from loss of connection with another person- usually romantic, but also friendship, or loss through death. This feeling has followed me from youth. When I was 11 years old, my family moved from Texas to South Carolina, …
HOPE IS HERE. Prayers do get answered. If you need hope that you can recover – please read my “Diary of a Dry Drunk” below, written in 2008 at almost 10 years sober. It is sad and unsettling for me to read how I was suffering and in self-pity that I couldn’t see. I was …
Lately I've been talking with people about their primary addiction - the one that precedes alcohol or drugs. Of course, in my work with helping people overcome sugar and food addiction, I have heard many say food is primary. But it wasn't food for me. It was boys. At five years old, I was called …
Natalie Speakman 