My Rebirth-day

A year ago today I was in an AA Big Book study with my sponsor. We were reading page 31 of the book. I read the sentence "Through every form of self-deception and experimentation, they would try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic." My sponsor asked me if I had been deceiving …

150 Amends

I'm dying. We all are. Yet most of us live under the illusion that we're going to live forever, caught up in the day-to-day grind of bills and jobs and responsibilities. Consider this: what would it be like to be on your deathbed, looking over your entire life with a bird's eye view? What would …

Trust Fall

On December 21, 2020, at 12 midnight, my job of 12 1/2 years gave me shocking news: that if I did not move back to the US from overseas where I'd been working for 8 years, that I would no longer have a job. On top of that, they wanted me to start working in …

Reset.

I have spent the majority of my life in the meeting rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Since I was first sent to rehab at 17, Twelve Step programs have been a backdrop of my life. In 1999, at the age of 22, I put down alcohol and drugs for good. When I was in the early …

The Gap

There is a space between an event that occurs and how we interpret the event.  This gap is imperceptible for people that are living unconsciously. You know the type: they go stumbling around their lives, bumping up against things unwanted, and react to everything. They take everything personally, internalizing everything in their outer world. It's …

“Even though” and “Still”: A Path to Unconditional Love

All types of love share common themes, whether it is romantic love, familial love, or love between friends. One of the biggest themes is expectation. Where there is love, there is expectation due to the roles people take on when the label of love is applied. However, expectation is the opposite of love. Expectation binds, …

I Don’t Know

Have you ever noticed, really noticed, how identified you are with your thoughts? Maybe you don’t even know what that means. It means there is nothing between you and your thoughts. You are your thoughts. Most of us live this way, not knowing there is an alternative. We think a thought, and totally believe it. …

Pick Your Brain

Have you ever noticed how you can react to the same situation in different ways, depending on the day? It is most easily apparent in your close relationships. One day, the way your husband loads the dishwasher annoys you so much you go behind him and re-load it; the next, you don't give it a …