This is 45.

Up until a few months ago, I was ashamed of my age. I never wanted to tell people how old I was. 🀐

I worried and wondered if people could guess that I was in my 40s by looking at me. I hoped that I looked younger.

Then in February I went on a Tinder date that inspired me to come fully out of the age closet. I wrote about it here and posted an unfiltered, unedited selfie for all to see.

And I owned my age of 44. πŸ’ͺ

I felt fear as I published what I wrote, but I trusted the unknown. And that post was my most popular to date.

So now here I am today sharing another unfiltered and unedited selfie – although this time I am smiling and using a flash πŸ˜ƒ

As you can see, my hair is pink. I’ve never had pink hair before.

I did it to celebrate 45 years young in an unconventional way.

I didn’t know how it would look. I was nervous during the process.

But despite the fear, I trusted the unknown.

And I love the result. Pink hair, don’t care!πŸ‘©β€πŸŽ€

This is my 45.
With pink hair. And Botox. Yes, BOTOX.

Because even though I’m much closer to accepting my age, I’m still vain.

Even though I declared not to use my looks as currency, I still am masking wrinkles with Botox.

Even though I am out of the age closet, I still want to look younger.

And I can be ok with it.
I don’t have to be either this or that.

Don’t have to be either embracing my age and shunning Botox, or hiding my age and using it.

I can own my age, use Botox, and even date younger men, which I do. (My last boyfriend was 18 years younger than me😎)

I can be both/and. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

And this is also 45.
Me in my messy complexity and contradictions.

But moving much more toward wholeness and acceptance and self-love. πŸ’•

Regardless of pink hair. Botox. Younger guys. Being without a ‘real job.’

Trusting in the unknown one day at a time. 🀩

Being of service. Living a life that is authentically mine.

Not a life I think others would want me to live.

I think of other 45 year old women living lives as wives, mothers, employees, mortgage holders. Society calls that normal. And successful.

But Normal is just a setting on a dryer. And success, a personal designation. πŸŽ–

When I was living a conventional life – married, in a 9-5 job, a slave to a paycheck- I was drowning in futility.

I left my husband and my home country almost a decade ago, but I still hung on to that 9-5 job for 8 more years.

Until 6 months ago when my employer dropped a bomb on me: that to keep my job I had to urgently return to the US (on my dime, no less.) πŸ’£

Everything in me was a NO. πŸ‘Ž
I just couldn’t say yes, even though it would have been the safe and logical choice.

So I chose to leave after almost 13 years – and was given no severance pay or unemployment benefits to cushion the free-fall out of my comfort zone.

I trusted the unknown. And it was one of the best choices I’ve ever made. 🌈

And I’m now living the most abundant life I’ve ever known.

I enjoy an abundance of time and money freedom, love, peace, service, and opportunity. 🀝

When I live in my own integrity and possibility, and trust the unknown, I show others how they can do it too. πŸ’ͺ

This is 45. Living on purpose.

And here’s to 45 more.
I pray that on June 12, 2066, at the age of 90, I will proudly dye my hair pink again in celebration of living a life true to me. πŸ€—

4 Replies to “This is 45.”

  1. Hey Natalie!

    I just read this and I think it is terrific!

    I love how open and honest you are about everything.

    Thank you for sharing ❣️

    Jill R.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

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