Working with myself, over and over again, surrendering and opening, reveals a path within to the center of the heart space where my soul resides. I show up to my meditation space, a commitment to myself, another act of self love. When I choose to get up, and sit up, and show up, I am telling myself without words that I am enough. I am worthy of taking this time of self-care and acknowledgement. Love is an action, not a feeling.
As I scan my past, I see over and over again examples of abandoning myself: abandoning myself to fulfill banal desires; more base needs that were a diseased way of getting my needs met. It never worked. It was like taking medicine for heart disease to treat diabetes. It will never help, and may hurt.
As I show up, again and again, I have different experiences. Some days, I rocket myself to a blissful state of being, basking in the glow of divine connection to self and the whole. Other days, I feel like there is a brick wall separating me from my self and source. Those are the days that I get to truly practice self love, when it is not easy. I get to surrender to the present moment, again and again, knowing that in acceptance lies freedom, and that it will pass. I will feel good again, I will struggle again. Each meditation is a step in the journey within, shedding again, layers and layers of illusion to reveal the truth of who I am: a whole, radiant being of love and light, nothing more or less.